author's note, 8/9/2024:
this diary entry has been left untouched and unpublished since i wrote it 17 days ago. for further reflections on the significance of this, please refer to today's entry.
Oh god, is this travel writing? Am I doing travel writing? No, for people who move around more, I think it's just run-of-the-mill blogging. Well, it also turns out that not just fish and visitors but even my luck stinks after 3 days. A flight cancellation at nearly midnight very well might've capsized my whole capital-M mood (i think the pros call this "a spiral") were it not for. Well, I'm not sure exactly. Nel letting me sleep in her bed definitely helped a lot. I just wish flight delays were the only thing catching up to me here. Just trying not to be self-flagellating to the point of self-centeredness and not listening for what other people are trying to say.
Chronological disposition is forward-moving like the conveyor walkways at MSP. The bags are heavy and trying to walk is just going to bump me into more people, so i have to trust that planting myself with the weight i have right now will still see me through to the end.
oh my fuck why am i getting thrown into conflict resolution with people i barely know in a super ungrounded time for me. hint: the consequences of my own actions.
ok, ok. i think that's enough journaling right here right now. at the very least fran's been made aware of this space and while it's not something i regret in the least (she seemed quite delighted!) i think that's something to be mindful of in the next couple days. it's not like there's any shortage of other things to write about anyway. even given the extenuating circumstances (multiple) south minneapolis itself is just such a living place to move and breath and twist through. it's like getting the temporary buff from rubbing my face in some nice grass at all times passively. im like maybe 10 feet from a tree outside the window right now.
across the way, there's a place called sea wolf tattoo which is exciting to me not only because being with fran reminded me of how excited i am about getting a tattoo, but also because sea wolf is the artist of an album i like. let's see, how to best hyperlink it? maybe, (like this?)[]
ok, flight booked, manager contacted, and now the rest is catching up. Fran's doing whatever she's gotta do in her mind palace (probably nothing less than a level 40 dungeon) and i trust that all that's left to do is wait and listen. can you believe i spent all this time here and still haven't gone to the famous powderhorn park of powderhorn park? this overcast weather is perfect, if not the the air quality with the forest fires. i promised nel that i would be safe, not that she asked me to, i just yearn for the anchoring quality of promises in uncertain times. which, it seems, is all times.
everything is looking very good for moving at a tentative stage. i tentatively have an extended couch stay arrangement (actually kind of looking forward to it because there would probably be opportunities for celaning and other sorts of comforting household work), a couple tentative leads on jobs (grocery would line up fantastically with my previous experience), and my sister and i are on the same page about looking for a move-in date after september. nathalie even said she might be able to visit if it's around thanksgiving and even though we've never hung out in person i would love that so so so much! nathalie... god, she's just so important and there's also a southern diaspora moment there.
it's a really interesting kind of connection to be coming into an awareness of because, well, i've never been part of a diaspora before? when the first major wave of anti-trans bills rolled through everyone who could just up and vanished, like there had been some kind of rapture while i was stocking bakery tables at work. and i just moved inside.
ok, took a hydroxyzine bc the allergies are kinda going crazy and if i can at least ride out the physical symptoms of stress i'll be a lot better off for the rest. i think going to the park will be timely. but first, revising my goodbye to nel, which i think i kind of lost sight of in all the stress. i haven't taken the time to sit and write out my values (in fact, i only very recently came to realize that i even have ones that are identifiable) but the sacredness of comings and goings would certainly be among them. ok, send post!
Back to diary.