Last night, I achieved my alchemical ideal of self-reflecting at length without writing for some imagined audience. I think it indicates powerful things for me.
I talked a little bit more w/ Jamie the barista and she's so cool and nice! She knows a lot about stuff going on in local scene and I really do wish I'd gotten to know her sooner before leaving. But I do still have a couple of weeks here, and she told me about a show going on for an art rock band who is doing a farewell show, because, get this. They're moving from Florida.
I've had an idea that between four or five people I know who've done the trans diaspora thing, i think i wanna do some kind of ethnographic zine about it. It feels like a real-ass historical moment im living through, and who else is going to document the lived experiences of trans people if not, well, us?
So I'm looking forward to going to that, by hook or by crook. I gave more than two weeks notice at my job, but i can recognize that some things are more important.
I think I also need to start carrying around one of those little Field Notes pocket notebooks again. I haven't been to Sam Flax in forever (it's intimidating being around artists...) and the display stand they had for them was sooo cute! Something about going to minneapolis reconnected me with the friendly and outgoing part of myself, and that's meant having more interactions like this where I wanna write down information about a show that's going on or something.
I also caught up with my sister about some moving stuff this morning. She's hard on herself in a way that really reminds me of myself. Or maybe Nathalie saying that I remind her of some parts of herself is still fresh in my mind. Nathalie and I also sympathized about not liking having secret crushes, which made me feel validated about that. I just feel like I gotta have my relationships on honest terms or otherwise being around that person is just gonna eat at me the entire time.
We also talked about how it's normal to feel a little bit insane about a book and its characters after spending months on months reading it, which came as actually a huge relief. Like not that I don't have to be ever-vigilant for psychosis creeping in around the edges given my family history, but calibrating my expectations to something more realistic is always welcome.
What am I going to say to my mom about moving? God. I feel like she's not doing good. Seeing her definitely has to go into the planner too I think.
Back to diary.