Looks like I remembered. Spent longer than expected at the clinic. It seems something happened with my provider earlier that day and she's no longer working there, so they were waiting to work me in with a different provider, but hadn't bothered to tell me when I checked in.
I accidentally locked myself in a bathroom for a minute, but fortunately, there was someone right outside the door. It was a little fun and interesting, and I handled it with uncharacteristic composure. Maybe for a split second, I thought, "how nice would it be just to be stuck in here for the rest of the day and not have to do anything else?" Not very, as I know all too well, but a girl can dream.
Also, I'm extremely enjoying using AutoSite for this. It's a perfect tool for me in a lot of ways, and I highly recommend it. I don't think it would be that much more effort to write my posts in tiddlywiki (where I could hyperlink them to other stuff in there) and just export the whole thing directly into AutoSite's folder structure. What a wonderful piece of software!
Wrote some stuff about how my memory (doesn't) work, on cohost. I think there's been a little bit of an itch to try and explain it in words since Fran asked me about my early online experiences, and I didn't have a good way of explaining what was up other than "issues around my long-term memory." I was worried about coming across as closed off, when I really would've gladly explained to her if I'd had the words for it. I'm still very much looking forward to meeting her (later this month!) and I'm particularly interested in hearing her elaborate on something from the description of HUNGER NETWORK on her website. It was the phrase "gleaming soul connections to other gender non-conforming people."
In some sense, this kind of connection to other people is why I'm travelling, and hopefully ultimately moving, to Minneapolis. So I must have at least some intuitive awareness of it. But Fran is very eloquent and I look forward to hearing her talk about it. I caught myself thinking something silly about how maybe I could ask to read her personal copy of HUNGER NETWORK while I'm there, even though she's the author (and my friend? still never quite sure when the right time to say that about people online is) and would probably be more than happy to just talk about it face-to-face. It seems like a telling moment of confusion, but I think it says more about where I'm coming from, then where I'm going. I want to stop using personal art as a substitute for actual human connection. At least, in the way that I have up until now.
The second part of HUNGER NETWORK's description mentions "works of media that I read very closely and obsessively" and I also have some feeling that I know what's being talked about there too. It should be a very fruitful conversation if I don't get too tripped up by my nerves. To be honest, I've been more hung up on figuring out what outfit to pack for rolling around in the dirt at the park. Oh, I just remembered I have those old black skinny jeans! Perfect. I'm sure if she hangs out with trans people, she's probably met ones weirder than me anyway.
As a final note, the title HUNGER NETWORK reminded me of Thomas Ligotti's "The Nightmare Network," from "My Work is Not Yet Done." This is actually really funny, because I was thinking of something foreboding I could put under the banner of the new site, but couldn't remember where I'd come across the phrase "my work is not yet done." Only just now from looking up nightmare network for this post, did I realize the Ligotti connection. As for Final Island though, I've been sitting on this domain name for a few years now, since way before I think I had any awareness of Thomas Ligotti's work. It's most directly from one of the friend areas in Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Red and Blue Rescue team, but also has an air of the sort of darker-tinged fantasy settings I enjoy e.g. Urth from Book of the New Sun. If I can get a hyperlinked version of this blog working, Book of the New Sun backlinks are going to be stacked to the ceiling.
Back to diary.