Did the math this morning and I fly out in 5 days. Early shift at work, and I didn't get to sleep when I would've wanted. I can't remember why. I think it's because late nights are when I get time by myself. It makes sense.
Weird to think my photo is gonna be up at work after I'm gone. I really hope they don't have a piece of my soul in there. I've been getting into Emergency! lately, listened to it a couple times just today. It's just really really good.
Sonny Boy continue's to be really good. Yaffle's recommendations have never once missed. I know whatever I'm watching is always my favorite thing I've ever seen, but I think that has some upsides. It's really good to get into it. The episode I watched today was a baseball episode. Anime... Baseball. The crow song just came on.
Well, anyways, this episode has a really nice feel to it because the character who likes baseball talks about the extremely detailed history of the money baseball league. It's a pretty major thing for the episode. Nagara continues to be relatably angsty and obstinate. But uh. I think baseball as presented in anime, or even american media, like Sandlot, appeals to me a just a game you hang out with your friends in, like minecraft. except there's also the whole being outside part with real people. or, well, you know what i mean. corporeal people. physically incarnated.
my heart was beating a lot more than usual earlier but i feel better now thinking about how nice anime baseball is. in haruhi too. ive always wanted a group of friends like that. it's fine whether or not it actually happens, but people in real life are always kind of complicated and more often we bond over sadness than joy.
i think ive been lucky to meet some people who seem really good at having fun! i realized today im kind of ashamed of my body. or maybe was reminded. "i don't want people seeing my breasts" seems like a perfectly normal take for literally any woman, but it's not a good fit for the broader context of my deal i guess. im really looking forward to having more time to just sit with my body at home.
i mean, there's a lot of stuff with my body. i try not to get into it. nathalie and i are going to see each other soon! very exciting, she's fun company. not only do i think i can learn a lot from her but she's also got like. a year on me. not that it would matter, but it's reassuring.
it's rare for me to feel my full 27, but i don't think that's actually the case. im more than just a dumb kid i can. i don't know, sometimes it feels like i can't do anything. and how can i say something when i am literally moving across the country? well, a dumb kid can do that too, as proven by my time in connecticut. i think some of the pain from that may have been what's ordained me as an adult now.
something really good that came out of me going to that show is im willing to move around a lot more behind the register at work to whatever music is on. part of it is that im going into my last week and kind of just don't give a fuck anymore, but also like. i think letting music come into me helps with my closed-offedness to the world. it feels nice.
anyways, i am very tired. there's a bit of a routine where fran will usually show up in my cohost notifications at night. it's nice having friends. i was a little hesitant that if i stopped using cohost, i might not have as much of that sort of thing, but i think there are other ways to be reminded of people you know if you live in the same town.
oh, im gonna be living with my sister! that's so cool. lots of people i know have cool relationships with their sisters, and we like similar stuff. maybe i can finally have someone to watch legend of the galactic heroes with haha. im not even joking, we had such a great time talking about the dune books as she read them. we even watched some of the syfy show together over discord, which was really cool.
but yeah, really feeling a lot of the time crunch on moving. this really feels like my final confrontation with this environment. i think things will really be better or at least difficult in ways i can accept more easily.